Without Sin

Sometime in my early career I was forced to buy new tires for my car. As I could barely afford gas in those days, this purchase was beyond my immediate means, so I financed it from the local Sam’s Club (via my employer’s private label card program)…responsibly. I paid them off before the interest accrued. Still, it sucked.

Then, a month later on my way home from what was of course second shift, in the dark and rain I failed to notice a road obstacle. A chunk of concrete was laying in wait to ambush me, because life kicks you when you’re down. The rock immediately blew both left tires and bent the rims. I had to have the car towed. I left it in the local Sam’s Club parking lot for the night.

Sam’s Club did not have replacement rims for my car, so I had to call around. Eventually, I located two repair shops who each had a singular rim in stock. Borrowing Liz’s car the next morning, and taking a personal day off work, I drove around the city and procured them. I then took them to Sam’s and threw them in my car, proceeded to walk into the service garage, and ask if they had any problem with installing new tires on the rims not already on the vehicle. Fortunately, they did not. Also fortunately, they honored their own warranty on road hazard damage to the new tires and replaced them free of charge. Unfortunately, however, they didn’t have the same Michelin tires in stock and I ended up with Bridgestone. The Michelin were radials. The Bridgestone were not. This led to years of incompetent auto shops rotating tires incorrectly and leaving one of each type on the same axle. I eventually stopped having my tires rotated altogether.

But back to the rock. As I was waiting for the tow truck, I walked back and searched successfully for what I had hit. As an anti-trophy, I threw it in my trunk. It would eventually make its way to my desk at work as a persistent reminder that life will grant no favors even when trying to do everything right. I was severely underemployed at that time. Like the rock, The Great Recession took its toll mercilessly.

At one point, I wrote “Without Sin” on it with a sharpie, as a veiled threat that I might throw it at someone. But, despite the constant temptation, I never did, and it followed me from desk to desk as I gradually advanced my career.

Then COVID lockdowns happened. Given limited notice to clear out our desks for full-time work at home, I haphazardly threw the contents of my cubicle into boxes. That which I needed for my job was retrieved from the boxes, while the remaining contents sat forgotten. Now, 6 years later, I decided the boxes were taking up too much space and proceeded to clear them out. A full audit revealed the rock, which now, once again, sits upon my desk.

Is its resurgence an omen, or just chance? We shall see. For now, I find it reassuring that the struggling days of my early adulthood are over. My fingers are becoming arthritic and I have this new sciatica problem, but at least I can afford tires.

–Simon

Bonus Bias

A man’s mark of success is in his ability to pay for family necessities.

Well, that and to work hard for that money. But also to have a rewarding career doing something he loves and will change the world. But mostly to be able to take care of his family. But not that that means his wife shouldn’t also have a career, because that’d be sexist. But she shouldn’t be forced to if she doesn’t want to. But don’t suggest that she not. And be ready to pay the bills if she wants to be a housewife which she could totally do if she wants but that’s her choice but it’s a man’s responsibility to support her if not, not that there isn’t anything wrong with being a househusband if that makes more sense economically but know that you’ll always be judged for not being able to take care of your family financially even though it’s totally acceptable in these times to be a househusband except that it isn’t. And you’ll be identified immediately as a pedophile if you go anywhere in public with a kid and there isn’t a woman around, because all men are either rapists or potential rapists. Especially if you’re a loser who doesn’t have a job.

(I couldn’t help but eye-roll a little at Ferrera’s breakdown monologue in the Barbie movie. It sounded pretty juvenile. The double standards exist in the manosphere too. I guess she just needed to vent and the pretext of the fantasy world she was in justified it.)

Fortunately for my own societally-defined personal sense of worth, I’m a high enough level at work to get an annual bonus! And I have the honor of spending it on family necessities, so I get to keep my man card! Necessities such as Invisaligns, dog dental work, and federal taxes! Woohoo!

Meanwhile, Liz spent hers on this:

New couch, coffee table, shelving, and whatever you call that narrow table shelf thing against the wall.

I admit things do look nice.

So I think I need to buy another gun after all. I need a selfish gift for…motivational purposes. Yeah. A man needs to feel reckless at times too. And the gun would be able to protect the family. Wild man energy combined with a protective instinct. Total man card points there. Internal contradiction resolved.

Damn is proving my manhood exhausting. I think I’ll take a nap on that couch.

–Simon