Category: Projects

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Hoard a Cord (pt.3)

At last, with the holiday break, I was able to revisit the firewood holder. The warping OSB was concerning, but ultimately proved not to be an issue once I started attaching the metal. First though, I had to measure and cut it.

Sawing through metal paneling such as this was a new experience. It was too tough for any of my originally-planned methods, but with some protective gear and strong nerve on my part, the miter saw ended up suitable for the job. The screeching of metal on metal was horrendous, and the saw’s reach was insufficient, forcing me to make multiple cuts on each section. And no doubt the blade’s completely shot now and I’ll need to replace it. But, it did eventually work.

And by good fortune, full panel width almost lined up, with just a couple inches of overlap, so I didn’t have to attempt a longitudinal cut. Sometimes, I do luck out.

But as these were not full panels, they lacked the undercurve. They’re designed to hook under the eaves so no hardware is exposed skyward, but as I didn’t have 15 full panels to work with, that wasn’t an option and I had to screw them directly in. I wasn’t concerned. It is just a wood pile. Even if they leak over time, it’s a non-issue.

However, I did still use proper roofing screws – the ones with that synthetic washer that self-seal.

First though, I slid a drip guard under the downward edge, more for aesthetics than concern of water infiltration. I mean, I didn’t install felt or insulation between the metal and wood. I draw the line at overkill somewhere. But either way, it’s an improvement.

Then I added flashing at the peak, this time because I was concerned with water.

And lastly, I spray-painted all the metal parts that weren’t black, to make a nice purdy finish.

I have yet to see anyone else in the neighborhood with a custom-built firewood holder in their backyard, or a metal roof on their house – much less a custom-built firewood holder with a matching metal roof. I guess normal people spend their time and money elsewhere.

But I’m not a normal person, and I have an awesome firewood holder now. Ten years in the backlog and two months in the making. At last!

–Simon

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Rabbits and Rednecks: Addendum

Wanting to have more fun with the Thanksgiving hunting incident, I decided on a more tangible method of memory preservation.

Rabbits and Rednecks

Specifically, my dad likes shadow boxes. And if memories are more important than possessions, it makes for a perfect Christmas gift. Plus, I had a lot of fun with it:

This cranky jerkface gave us, indirectly and unintentionally, a great holiday memory.

–Simon

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Hoard a Cord (pt.2)

Development has continued on the firewood holder, weather permitting. And of course, my own physical health permitting. So it’s been slow, but still progressing.

Hoard a Cord

Adding a roof was critical to the project. Keeping the wood off the ground and neatly stacked was the main goal, but keeping it dry and free of falling debris would negate the panicked run to restock the patio supply prior to a rain prediction. Plus, it’d look nicer. So, here I would learn how to build trusses.

I attached some 2x4s at a 10 degree angle – which seemed like a happy medium. It’s apparently the minimum grade for shingled roofs, and while I plan to attach leftover metal paneling from the house roof, it give me a little extra buffer.

Next, I added some decking planks as rafters to support the roof. Fairly straightforward:

Finally, some externally-rated OSB:

Unfortunately, the weather turned sour and halted work. I had hoped to get to the metal portion sooner rather than later, as the moisture is starting to warp the OSB. If that poses a problem, I might swap it out in favor of more deck boards. But that’s TBD.

In the meantime, it does conceptually work as intended. The wood, for the most part, is shielded from precipitation. Once I have a dry day I’ll get the metal on and finally be done with this.

–Simon

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Dad’s Automat

I first encountered this term with a print of the Edward Hopper painting. I’ve always liked his Nighthawks – something about the American diner. That period in our collective history always interested me. The couple out late, grabbing a meal at what was probably the only open restaurant, dressed formally in the manner of the 1940s. A captured moment, open to viewer extrapolation.

But Automat, is older. Late Guilded Age. Money doesn’t fulfill the soul. As we all feel on some level in our present time, access to material goods and comfort also cultivates loneliness and a purposeless existence. Like dining alone in an airport: there’s a degree of success behind the circumstances of the situation, but the moment itself is empty. That sort of thing.

But let’s move on from artistic realism and get back to the Automat itself. Etymologically speaking, the word itself doesn’t appear to have any reference to food. Like we’d use the term “self-serve” today: it doesn’t specify what we’re getting, but it’s assumed that food is involved. It’s a vending machine on a large scale, with diverse origins, if you want to go down that rabbit hole. As a concept, it’s nothing new, but the specific method of application is what defines it: single serving meals, purchased individually, through mechanically automated means.

In American history, it refers to the Horn & Hardart restaurants. They made a few appearances in John Cheever stories, as those were set in the New York City region and surrounding areas. And there’s a cool documentary about them with Mel Brooks. They appear ingrained within a specific dimensional coordinate. So if one makes an appearance in any form of media, it’s a marker for a unique time and place.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a useful concept now. As the head chef of my domestic space, there are some constant culinary conundrums when cooking for my coterie:

  1. It can be difficult to make certain meals that only offer 3 portions, like casseroles and soups and roasts.
  2. Leftovers tend to sit in the fridge until they go bad, because no one wants to eat the same thing for lunch the next day, or the day after.
  3. Leftovers banished to the freezer get forgotten, and when remembered, no one wants to spend the time the thaw out the meal again. Plus that’s a whole meal, which means if it’s thawed, that’s what everyone is having for dinner, negating choice.
  4. A good lunch takes too long to make. I’m working. I don’t want to spend that time cooking, only to make a mess and then have to cook again for dinner. And ordering food is expensive.

The natural answer is to portion out the leftovers and freeze them. But that doesn’t solve issue 3. Convenience is a big factor. We need both individual portions that are also quickly accessible. An in, not buried in the deep freezer.

Presenting, Dad’s Automat!:

Placed on the refrigerator freezer door is now a menu list, indicating options which lie within. A selection of items without overwhelming choice. And all conveniently labeled:

So far, it’s sort of working. Items get eaten for lunches, and they’re for the most part healthier than what my kid’s culinary abilities usually conjure up as an after-school snack.

Just don’t tell my sister about the amount of plastic this is using.

–Simon

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Hoard a Cord

Or two!

…which is the most aggravating unit of measure. A cord of stacked firewood, which measures 4’x4’x8′, does not conveniently fit within any structure made of lumber, whose standard dimensions come in 4′ or 8′. Because the internal dimensions necessitate the outer frame to be longer, otherwise the wood cannot be overlapped in order to attach screws. What I needed was 4′,4″ and 8′,6″ boards, but they’re not sold in those lengths. So I had to buy 10′ versions, which was more expensive and generated a lot of waste.

But dammit, I would not be deterred. The accumulating piles of wood from my trees, due to easement reclamation, fungal disease, hurricanes, and general pruning, has left me with quite the back-logs (ha!). I wanted to finally process it all, and I wanted to stack firewood in exacting measurements, as well as be sure that future firewood providers were being truthful. So 10′ boards it would have to be, cut down to give me those exacting lengths.

Taking a cue from my previously-built tomato trellis, which is still firmly standing 5 years later, I opted for 4x4s, stuck 2 feet deep. That’s the maximum depth I can get post diggers down to, and historically that’s been sufficient to stay below the frost line. I doubt that with the weight of the wood that frozen ground pushing my posts out would be a problem anyway, but I’d rather not have to build this again. The rocky soil was certainly a pain, but fortunately I had supplemental manual labor to employ.

A bad design of engineering is to rely upon connecting hardware for load-bearing applications, so the supporting boards, which would hold the firewood off the ground, were rested upon sunken 2x4s, screwed into the outer frame. The goal being, the vertical support would rest directly upon the ground, rather than relying upon the main structure.

But not all firewood is cut to the same length, so in order to prevent smaller pieces from touching the ground, I installed fencing wire to shore up the gaps.

One cord down, I added a second identical section.

There are plans for a roof, using leftover metal sheeting from the house roof. I’m hoping it will match nicely, but the more pressing matter was to get the wood split and stacked for the changing seasons. And with the help of a newly-purchased splitter, it only took several weeks! Damn was that a lot of wood!

I’m glad that’s done. The wood situation needed addressing and I had been planning a storage solution for years. More pics to come once the roof is installed, but I’ll need some more time off for that. Hoping to wrap this up for 2025!

–Simon