Deer Skull Effigy

Despite the frequency of the creepy stickman with antlers found in the woods in horror movies, there isn’t much in the way of supporting evidence to ground it in reality. There’s the general Pagan insinuations, and of course Wiccan, and some eastern European lore, but with much of the evidence based in oral traditions, I haven’t found a definitive link to its origin. If anyone can point me to a study, please let me know.

One thing that can be absolutely proven, however, is that I find them scary. So with Halloween around the corner, and with a pile of sticks in my backyard from the power company’s recent War on Trees, I decided to build an effigy.

The deer skull decoration was surprisingly difficult to find. And even an internet product required substantial delivery time. I guess I’m an outlier with my tastes, with most people seeming to prefer either humor or extreme gore. Subtle fear is apparently not popular.

But I like it. Maybe I’ll leave it up year-round in the backyard by AT&T’s unfinished trenching operation. As a suggestion from the homeowner. A thought…

–Simon

Mushrooms (Part 6)

These are not mushrooms from Easement Acres, but they’re new ones to catalog nonetheless, as I’ve never personally encountered them growing before. They were instead located during a hike at the local Sugarcreek Metropark:

Chicken of the woods (Laetiporus species).

Chicken of the woods are a favorite of my Dad’s. He always forages any he finds and vacuum seals them for later. They are delicious, but these ones looked a little old and tough, so I did not take them this time.

On the more poisonous side of things, here’s another cool, albeit inedible, find:

Jack-o’-lantern mushrooms (Omphalotus illudens)

Their coolness lies in their brilliant color and giant size. And look at that giant slug. Eww. The kid found these ones bushwhacking off-trail.

Kid on a deathmarch

And that’s it. Just a boring post about mushrooms on a hike. Nothing of major note, for which I was happy to have an uneventful weekend.

–Simon

FICO Woo!

Earlier this year I saw an increase in my FICO score. Because I’m awesome. Or lucky. Or boring. Or some combination therein of uninteresting life choices that has led to good credit. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time, and with zero interest to return, but I wonder if people put minimum credit scores on their dating apps requirement list, much as I hear they do for the oft-discussed educational or…height requirements. Didn’t find that 6’8″ bodybuilder M.D. with an 850 FICO in your hometown who responded with a match request? Because there aren’t good men anymore? Reddit’s a funny place.

But my own short-comings notwithstanding, I did finally manage a perfect FICO, even despite my lack of M.D. status!

No longer must I endure the taunting of factors that might be lowering my score. At least not for the moment.

How about that, ladies?

–Simon

Hoard a Cord (pt.4)

We have received our first firewood delivery following my firewood holder project.

Aside from the need to store the wood neatly and out of the rain, I was also curious as to if future wood deliveries would be true to measurement. When they dump a pile of loose wood in the driveway, there’s a lot being taken on faith. Now, I can measure exactly if what was advertised and paid for matches up.

This is how much wood was already in the holder prior to the new delivery.

We ordered a cord and a half, based on how much wood should fit taking into consideration how much wood was already stored. It should have maxed out our storage. Instead, this was the end result:

Both sides should be completely full.

Granted, some was stored on the front porch, but I estimate this deliver to be about a cord and a quarter. For shame, internet firewood guy who delivers to our area! What would the state have to say about this deception?

If you’re asking about Ohio, the law is quite specific about selling firewood by volume.

A legal cord is 128 cubic feet of wood when “ranked and well stowed”—meaning the pieces are placed in rows, generally parallel and touching, and stacked compactly.

A conventional stack measuring:4 ft×4 ft×8 ft=128 ft34\text{ ft} \times 4\text{ ft} \times 8\text{ ft}=128\text{ ft}^3

is therefore one cord. But 4×4×8 isn’t mandatory; any stacked dimensions totaling 128 cubic feet qualify. For example, with 16-inch logs, three rows measuring 4 ft high × 8 ft long give approximately one cord.

Selling it legally in Ohio

If you’re advertising or selling ordinary loose firewood by volume, Ohio permits “cord” and fractional parts of a cord (or cubic meters). Importantly, you cannot advertise or sell it using terms such as “face cord,” “rick,” “rack,” “pile,” or “truckload.” Those aren’t legally defined quantities under the Ohio rule.

So these are appropriate:

1 cord — $300
½ cord — $175
¼ cord — $100

Whereas “one truckload — $150” or “one face cord — $100” isn’t an acceptable way to represent the quantity of firewood being sold in Ohio.

If you sell packaged firewood, the package is instead labeled by volume in cubic feet (including fractions) or cubic meters. There are separate rules for very small packages, single logs, pellets/chips, and sales by weight.

Measuring a cord

For ordinary split wood, stack it reasonably tightly and measure:length×height×depth\text{length}\times\text{height}\times\text{depth}

The result must be 128 ft³ for a cord, 64 ft³ for ½ cord, 32 ft³ for ¼ cord, etc. The 128 ft³ includes the normal air spaces between properly stacked pieces—it does not mean 128 solid cubic feet of wood.

Ohio specifically defines the wood as “ranked and well stowed,” so simply estimating the volume of a loose heap or pickup bed isn’t equivalent to measuring a cord.

For a nonpackaged firewood sale, Ohio also requires the seller to provide a delivery ticket or sales invoice. County guidance lists the relevant information as the seller and purchaser, delivery date, amount delivered, quantity on which the price is based, description of the wood, and total price.

Ohio’s general weights-and-measures law additionally prohibits selling less than the represented quantity or representing quantity in a misleading manner.

So if you’re thinking about cutting firewood from your property and selling it locally, you don’t need a special 4×4×8 container. The straightforward method is to stack it, measure the stack, advertise it as a cord or fraction thereof, and issue the required sales documentation.

I received no sales documentation either! This is unprecedented, unacceptable! And…probably pretty reasonable for a guy dumping a truckload of wood in my driveway for a cash payment. It was close, but caveat emptor. It’s still cheaper than heating with gas, even if I was overcharged $92.50 per market rate. And it was delivered.

But still, it’s interesting to see how close it came to measurement. I’m curious how close future deliveries will be.

–Simon

Wüsthof, pt.2

I have more knives! The collection has grown in the past 4 years.

I notice the professional cook tends to scoff at knife collections, citing a simpler need for just a chef’s knife and a paring knife. And I suppose you could get by, but why? The more I cook, the more I notice specific tasks that could be easier with something more specialized. And the online cook community is a hostile bunch anyway, seething with veiled jealousy at friends and family who buy expensive cutlery, writing derisive comments about these “amateurs” who don’t know how to cook. I don’t seriously consider a corollary between lots of expensive knives and culinary incompetence. Cooks just be mad that my banking salary affords nice knives and their Applebee’s line cook job doesn’t.

(I’ll never pass up an excuse to talk bad about Applebee’s. Seriously – that place sucks.)

But it was with much dismay that one day I noticed my kid’s chef knife had cracked:

I immediately acquired her a replacement. Then I considered Wüsthof’s warranty. I contacted them, they asked for images, then gave me a credit to use on their website for the original value of the knife. Hot damn! Wüsthof = awesome!

Wüsthof = awesome; Applebee’s = suck. If you take anything away from this post, those are the two main points.

Having already replaced the knife in question, I instead used the credit to buy an addition to my own collection. What I needed was a better way to slice small bread loaves and squishy vegetables with tough skins. I needed a small serrated blade.

Third from left.

Perfect.

The only sad part is that my magnetic holder is now at capacity. A future project maybe. In the meantime, a la cuisine!

–Simon