Without Sin

Sometime in my early career I was forced to buy new tires for my car. As I could barely afford gas in those days, this purchase was beyond my immediate means, so I financed it from the local Sam’s Club (via my employer’s private label card program)…responsibly. I paid them off before the interest accrued. Still, it sucked.

Then, a month later on my way home from what was of course second shift, in the dark and rain I failed to notice a road obstacle. A chunk of concrete was laying in wait to ambush me, because life kicks you when you’re down. The rock immediately blew both left tires and bent the rims. I had to have the car towed. I left it in the local Sam’s Club parking lot for the night.

Sam’s Club did not have replacement rims for my car, so I had to call around. Eventually, I located two repair shops who each had a singular rim in stock. Borrowing Liz’s car the next morning, and taking a personal day off work, I drove around the city and procured them. I then took them to Sam’s and threw them in my car, proceeded to walk into the service garage, and ask if they had any problem with installing new tires on the rims not already on the vehicle. Fortunately, they did not. Also fortunately, they honored their own warranty on road hazard damage to the new tires and replaced them free of charge. Unfortunately, however, they didn’t have the same Michelin tires in stock and I ended up with Bridgestone. The Michelin were radials. The Bridgestone were not. This led to years of incompetent auto shops rotating tires incorrectly and leaving one of each type on the same axle. I eventually stopped having my tires rotated altogether.

But back to the rock. As I was waiting for the tow truck, I walked back and searched successfully for what I had hit. As an anti-trophy, I threw it in my trunk. It would eventually make its way to my desk at work as a persistent reminder that life will grant no favors even when trying to do everything right. I was severely underemployed at that time. Like the rock, The Great Recession took its toll mercilessly.

At one point, I wrote “Without Sin” on it with a sharpie, as a veiled threat that I might throw it at someone. But, despite the constant temptation, I never did, and it followed me from desk to desk as I gradually advanced my career.

Then COVID lockdowns happened. Given limited notice to clear out our desks for full-time work at home, I haphazardly threw the contents of my cubicle into boxes. That which I needed for my job was retrieved from the boxes, while the remaining contents sat forgotten. Now, 6 years later, I decided the boxes were taking up too much space and proceeded to clear them out. A full audit revealed the rock, which now, once again, sits upon my desk.

Is its resurgence an omen, or just chance? We shall see. For now, I find it reassuring that the struggling days of my early adulthood are over. My fingers are becoming arthritic and I have this new sciatica problem, but at least I can afford tires.

–Simon

Cemetery Restoration

To the attentive traveler with a curiosity for such things, there’s always an old cemetery tucked away in unsuspecting places. There’s one down the street from the Dayton mall, by I-675. There’s one in Toledo on Central, by a BP gas station. They blend into the background, because we have the space for them here. In more populated areas, the grave sites are exhumed for reuse, with the prior tenant relocated to a mass crypt.

Yet despite the differences in space, while I never see anyone landscaping, cemeteries are always properly mowed, no matter how dilapidated the gravestones.

My former dogs posses such a plot, and with plenty of room. They are properly cared for, but have also sustained years worth of environmental damage, it was time to restore their graves.

Their markers had sunken beneath the sod, and squirrels had toppled the shrine. So this time, I employed construction adhesive and firmly cemented everything in place.

May it last another 9 years, properly prepared to receive the next round of canine souls who, unlike their predecessors, always enjoyed the benefits of a mowed whippet patch.

–Simon

Ode du Noel

de dendro, ummm arbor?

I’m botching a lot of linguistics here, but that seems fair for Christmas as a concept. We take a bunch of Pagan rituals and mash them together with Christianity and end up with a holiday that just so happens to almost coincide with the winter solstice and arguably not with what historians would agree is Jesus’ birthday. Personally, I think that’s fantastic. I like to enjoy the best of every culture. That was this country’s original directive, before, you know…

So I present to you the Christmas tree! The origins of which are hilarious when asking a Christian, because even in the context of doctrine, the explanations lack both consistency and general reason. But who cares?! It’s fun!

And so it was that during the holiday season of 2006, Liz wanted a tree for our janky little apartment. And with little money to afford such an extravagance, she decided upon a Martha Stewart variety, back when she was contracted with K-Mart. But no blue light special here. No – this thing was dang expensive!

Yet it wasn’t until 2013 that I can find a photo of it. In the era predating smartphones, I was much less likely to document everything, much less take the time to download photos off the camera. But here it is in a time when it possessed needles still.

And here it is in its final setup, 2024.

Over a decade’s worth of ornament collection has hidden the fact that it was almost completely see-through.

And so another era has ended, ingloriously dumped on the side of the road for unlimited trash pickup day, in its original box which was, at that point, more tape than cardboard.

So long tree! May you continue to clog vacuum hoses in decoration afterlife.

–Simon

The Dad Drawer

Every dad has one: that mysterious desk drawer containing mundanity, but with an aura of the fantastical. My Dad’s was the one in his work office. For some reason, a drawer filled with office supplies was an imagination gateway. Alligator clips were a favorite, as were cable locks. Then there were Altoid tins of assorted change, pens, and paperclips which I always connected together into a no-doubt aggravating chain.

My own desk is less interesting, but I do have one drawer locked. Not because it contains much in the way of imagination, but more so because it contains useful items that get borrowed and not returned. So to satisfy any potential curiosity about that which lies within, here it is:

It’s obviously locked for other reasons.

‘Tis my man drawer!

–Simon