Simon – Page 83 – Ephemerality

May 8, 2018August 22, 2023

Dandelion

There’s an incredible amount of dandelions this year. And I can’t deny their charm, as their happy yellow blooms dot the landscape–a prelude to my daughter’s romp through their seeding masses, almost colloidal as they hang in the air.

Yet a part of me cringes as I watch countless potential dandelion progeny drift throughout my yard. I’m conflicted. Do I despise them as a blight, or tolerate them for their aesthetic/medicinal value?

I considered buying an herbicide, and I admit, I use Roundup. But despite the dandelion’s invasiveness, I’m opposed to fighting nature with such overkill tactics. History has proven that such measures always yield unforeseen, and undesirable, consequences. So I began removing them manually.

But the weeding tool proved inadequate.

And so I debated.

Many times have I learned that fighting the natural world results in only temporary victories, that instead I should either appease or compromise. Such was it that I’ve preserved many a garden crop by planting instead tastier alternatives for the neighborhood rabbits. So why should I dwell on the humble dandelion?

Nay, I shall harvest this plant. I will use this formerly unwanted bumper crop to instead experiment with salad and tea. Stay tuned!

–Simon

May 5, 2018August 22, 2023

Showing Restraint

Tomato plants can be quite ungainly, amusing since once upon a time they were European garden ornamentals. And the indeterminates I find especially difficult to corral, as they quickly overtake any type of cage or post to which they’re lashed.

Perhaps its their collective personality, much like a petulant child’s–they don’t know what they want, just that they know they don’t want what you gave them. So I’m trying something different this year–a net. Now they can grow free from linear vertical restriction, or at least they get two dimensions instead of one.

If I placed it along the property line, would the kids stay out of my yard?

I wonder if it will be strong enough to hold up the vegetative mass. Soon to find out, I suppose.

–Simon

May 3, 2018August 22, 2023

Essence

The uniqueness of this molecule is undisputed, from its polarity to its illogical density/temperature relationship. And as I peered down from above, upon this microcosm of natural beauty, I contemplated how such random perfection could allow the genesis of terrestrial life.

The organization and order, juxtaposed to the surrounding chaos!

Okay, it’s just water, but it sure looks cool–enough so as to warrant its own post.

Incidentally, I later researched motion-activated sprinklers in my ongoing non-confrontational cold war against the neighbor and his children.

Water!

–Simon

May 1, 2018August 22, 2023

Laminate

Carpet–I know not whence this diabolical invention first saw universal fruition, but I rue that day.

The Internet was of little help, spouting the usual assortment of trendy anti-(insert whatever’s popular here) sentiments. And I, one of these confrontational assholes, would agree. I hate it, and whoever invented it should spend eternity in a vat of histamine, forever sneezing and itching in anaphylaxis, yet never able to escape the ailment.

Compounding the misery was the result of a whippet’s predilection for misidentification, for so readily does carpet endlessly absorb the liquified proteins of urinary putrification.

And further compounding the problem is a human female’s oversensitivity to olfactorial displeasure.

So it was that I found myself ripping up the carpet in the hallway. The late whippets, always naughty and leaking, favored this spot as a preferable alternative to the bitter cold of Ohio winters, despite the physical punishments that would ensue from such transgressions.

Another futile attempt at deodorizing the carpet

What I found beneath was sheer horror. Over the decades, dirt had sifted its way through until a fine layer of soil covered the sub-flooring. Extensive vacuuming and Lestoil-scrubbing later, the floor appeared to be painted white–at least what the floor cleaner didn’t strip.

Liz scrubbed the floor with baking soda and vinegar, then let it dry until the next weekend.

And so began the hard part. The hallway, being narrower than the boards were long, required that I had to cut every single piece to fit. Adding to the complexity was the oddly-shaped linen closet. Fortunately I had watched enough preparatory YouTube videos that I knew how to hammer segments into connecting, even when wedged around tight corners.

Then there was the problem of the end strips not locking to the floor properly, but a few hammer blows and swear words and emergency runs to the hardware store fixed that problem. The end result was never in question.

An afternoon was required to dismantle the existing flooring, and 11 hours of straight labor to install the new. But like all things in life worth having, it wasn’t supposed to be easy–yes, that’s right, philosophical reaffirmations from flooring installations.

Then I had to install new moulding, which was equally as bad as the flooring. My supply of finishing nails dwindled, and I bought a box at Home Depot. But the nails lacked the head notch, so my driver continually slipped and punctured the moulding. A return visit yielded no better alternative, for the associate stared blankly when asked if they stocked another brand of nails. I made due with what I had.

I estimate this project to have taken 30 hours of work. It sucked, but I have to admit: it is better than a cesspit corridor. The kid seems to agree:

–Simon

April 28, 2018August 22, 2023

Steam Power

I’ve been known to play games.

…but usually not seriously, unless it’s by Bethesda or Bungie. But let’s back up…

The family computer was originally some variant of the Macintosh Classic–an all-in-one machine with a black and white display. The first game I played, and one my mother was obsessed with, was Crystal Quest.

Of course everyone else had Windows machines, and so knew nothing about the games I played. They played Doom, Fallout, and Quake; I played Marathon, Myth, and Avernum. Consequently, I learned that my gaming background would simply be forever different than that of most peoples’.

But I also learned that games are diabolical abominations of coding, and that the mere effort to get them to even operate on a computer was, if not a feat of engineering, then one of extreme patience.

So after years of gaming on computers and their multitude of problems, I bought an Xbox–a machine designed for the sole purpose of gaming (despite Microsoft’s ongoing attempts to make it a social platform). But some games simply cannot be played effectively on a console, and as I’m completely unwilling to use Windows unless I have to, I’ve been eying Valve’s Steam.

For those who don’t know, Steam is an online distribution and DRM platform. I hadn’t considered computer gaming in years, due to my lack of a dedicated machine and desk (and the lingering memories of technical difficulties), but with the completion of my recent command center, and with the Ubuntu computer working admirably, it seemed like a good time to try.

I visited their website, found the Linux installer, and completed the installation. And it didn’t work. Turns out that Ubuntu has its own distro of Steam, which I was able to install rather simply from the command line. It lacks the happy GUI, but that was of minor consequence. I created an account, found a free game, and downloaded it. And it worked!

The downside of attempting to turn a Linux machine into a gaming platform was the obvious lack of game choices available. I had hoped they’d be more prevalent, but a cursory preview only yielded a handful of anime adventures (most of which turned out to be pornography). So it’s a success in that it works, but a failure in that its catalog so far contains nothing of interest.

Ah well, it’s not like I need to spend more time gaming anyway. I guess that, for now, I’ll have to game socially in my living room like a normal person.

–Simon