Mediterranean Sausage Bake

Contrary to what my gardening habits might imply, I don’t really like squash.  At best it’s a filler that absorbs more palatable flavors, and at worst it’s a slimy earthy sludge.  For example, squash cooked with apples tastes good–like apples.  Squash cooked with butter tastes like butter.  Squash cooked as-is tastes like…sludge.

Case in point: Mediterranean Sausage Bake.  This abomination, a recipe of my mother’s, involved baking zucchini with eggplant and onions, with some cheese and sausage for flavor.  It was disgusting, but a favorite of dad’s, so each Father’s Day we lived the nightmare.

So anyway, back to present, I have a lot of squash.  Ronde de Nice, specifically.  And dad was visiting.  It presented an opportunity to unload some of it.  The plan was to cook him the sausage bake while we ordered a pizza.  And yet…

…look at that!

Okay, so I used a lot more cheese, but still.  It warranted a taste.  And it was…reasonably acceptable.

Maybe I used better sausage.  Maybe the Ronde de Nice was better than standard zucchini.  Maybe I sweated the onions better.  Whatever the case, it was edible, and a way to use up some garden produce.

And it made the old man happy.

–Simon

Unintended Consequences

More cucurbitas.  Though not the ones I intended.

When I planted the squash patch, I selected seed for each mound.  Then I thew compost on each mound.  Then I discovered somewhat later that the compost contained cucurbita seeds.  These were supposed to be my pie pumpkins:

They are not.

But at least we’re getting a lot of fall decorations–arguably a better purpose for cucurbitas anyway.

–Simon

Femme Credibilius

In these contemporary times it often feels as though I’m being force-fed feminism.  It is, understandably, a product of modern social/economic/technological circumstances coming into conflict with our stubbornness to change, and is, within reason, a required means to achieve true egalitarianism.  To this there is little argument.  But why then do I find it frequently so off-putting?  I am a modern man, a Millennial in fact, with rather liberal views.

To resolve the internal conflict, I decided to meditate heavily on the subject, and I believe that the anxiety is not a result of the goals themselves, but rather the execution.  I will explain via corollary, specifically through the means by which one of my generation explores our present culture: TV and video games.

Firstly though, I’ll cite the Bechdel Test, as it’s both appropriate for this topic as well as a very straightforward method by which to analyze the relevance of female characters in media.

In summary, a movie doesn’t represent women in any meaningful way unless [paraphrasing mine]:

  • The movie has to have at least two women in it,
  • who talk to each other,
  • about something other than a man.

I’ll use this as the foundation to my own test (Moorhead Test?), because in response to a sudden desire to pass the Bechdel, women are being cast at an exponential rate, many times inappropriately, with the results often patronizing if not downright jarring and unbelievable.  So I will attempt to assist the entertainment industry with their shortcomings.  Here’s my test:

A female character isn’t believable unless:

  • Her behavior is in line with the authority that the position she occupies would normally require of a man,
  • who also is in an age-appropriate position,
  • who realistically possesses the skills required for said position,
  • and whose dialog is not intentionally condescending to male characters and male viewers.

I will elaborate on these points, then provide a good and bad example for each, to show where we have succeeded and where we have horribly failed (with the assumption that you, the reader, have similar media tastes and are familiar with the referenced characters):

  • If a female character doesn’t behave in a manner that the position she occupies would require of a male counterpoint, then the question is: why is she in that position?  If we wouldn’t believe a man in that same position would act similarly, then the female casting hints at motives other than including a qualified female candidate.
  • If a female character is too young for the position she’s playing, then the casting indicates sexual motives.
  • Drawing from the first two criteria, if a female character does not or could not possess the skills normally required for the casted position, then the casting is patronizing.
  • Regarding condescending dialog–this appears, like, a lot.  I assume it’s there to stroke female viewers’ egos, they way they loved to do in 90s sitcoms.  Or, again, it’s just downright patronizing, the way we used to use the term “homemaker” to imply being a stay-at-home wife was just as rewarding as having a career and women didn’t need to pursue the latter.

Hopefully you’re following me and not looking for reasons to be angry.  The point is that properly casted female characters don’t generally even raise an eyebrow amongst the intelligentsia, but too often they are indeed miscast for what I’m assuming is simply an attempt to increase female audience size or show how “progressive” the creators are trying to be.

Here’s my examples:

Category: TV

Good

Show: The Expanse
Character: Chrisjen Avasarala
Actor: Shohreh Aghdashloo
Role: UN Deputy Undersecretary, later UN Secretary General

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Bad

Show: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Character: Diana Troy
Actor: Marina Sirtis
Role: Counselor

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Failure reason: Acts annoyingly flirtatious and dresses inappropriately for a professional (despite what the above image might indicate, she spent most of the series not in a Starfleet uniform!).  Makes several amused comments about the silliness of male honor codes.

Category: Movie

Good

Movie: Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Character: Sarah Connor
Actor: Linda Hamilton
Role: Mother of John Connor/Terminator Survivor/Cyberdyne Destroyer

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Bad

Move: X-Men
Character: Storm
Actor: Halle Berry
Role: X-man/teacher

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Failure reason: Acts juvenile with her short temper, and what is she teaching at that school exactly?  Why did Xavier leave her in charge?  Also: bad delivery of poorly-written dialog.

Category: Video Game

Good

Game: Halo Series
Character: Dr. Halsey
Actor: Jennifer Taylor
Role: Forerunner Tech Scientist, ONI (creator of Cortana and SPARTAN program)

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Bad

Game: Mass Effect
Character: Ashley Williams
Actor: Kimberly Brooks
Role: Gunnery Chief

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Failure reason: Lengthy banal backstory with no value, a clear insert for a love interest, tells stories of her sister’s bad experiences with men and her beating them up.  Alien racist, but no clear interest as to why.

I ask you then, oh content creators, can we not please consistently create believable female characters?  Ones that are professionals in their fields, and not just walking curves/love interests/man haters?  Give us a reason to believe their existence is justified in the roles they’ve been cast, and then work on their personalities and backstories?

Perhaps your problem is that you lack women on your writing staff?  Maybe hire some, but make sure they pass the Moorhead Test first.

–Simon

Laminate (Part 4)

The laminate saga continues.  To recap: carpet is disgusting and needs to be banished to the inferno!

We had actually installed new carpet in the master bedroom when we bought the house.  It was an emergency solution.  The existing carpet was beyond hope.  It had been cleaned so much that it had unevenly bleached out.  It was also the first glimpse we got of what happens to carpet padding after 50 years.  It had to go, and we had Lowe’s contract the replacement with what we thought at the time would be a long-term solution: Stainmaster carpet.

Burn it!

But carpet is carpet.  And dogs are dogs.  And stink is stink.  And unlimited trash pickup day was arriving.  So here we went again.

That’s right, you can’t handle the responsibility of carpet

But this time, I bought an oscillating saw.  In the past I used a coping saw, but that was laborious.  Plus, it was an excuse to get a new power tool.

Look at that intricate set of perfect cuts!

I also added trim the the closet frames.  And Liz painted a shade of green this time.

Ooooo, all clean and sterile

It does look nice and inviting.  Two more rooms to go!

–Simon

Way Down Yonder in the Cucurbita Patch

That doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Of course, I’d rather eat a pawpaw than a squash, too.  Squash are really only good as butter sponges or for decoration.

But they’re fun to grow, and despite their questionable culinary value, a source of home-grown nutrition a la Victory Garden!

Victory Garden Indeed

Yet despite my plans, many of the seeds I selected didn’t germinate, and those that did weren’t what I expected.  Maybe some things got mixed up in the seed vault.  I also scattered compost, which apparently contained a number of squash seeds from the year prior, which I let grow to fill in the garden space.  Consequently, I have some interesting varieties.

Ronde De Nice and pattypans were planned. Those strange white pumpkins were not.
Gourds and a mutant zucchini?
And it’s all a good lesson for the kid

–Simon