Farm to Table

I never wrote a sequel to the great strawberry harvest of 2021:

At the time, I didn’t seem to have had much hope of a good crop. As it turned out, however, the yield was very good indeed. And my portioned bags of frozen fruit saw us through many a cold winter Saturday family card night with margaritas and daiquiris.

Ultimately though, I lost the war on weeds that year and started over with new plants, and they haven’t had enough time yet to fill in, so no followup harvest.

But as it turns out, you can cheat, and visit a tourism farm or whatever they call them. That wasn’t on the menu for me as a kid out west, but apparently affluent white people from the midwestern burbs just can’t resist the opportunity to drive out into the countryside and pay a farmer to pick their crops for them. Whoever came up with that business plan is a genius.

Not only do you get the privilege of paying a farmer to do their work, you also get to then buy the product you just picked for them.

It sounds absurd, but if you want to buy some fruit in bulk, it’s ultimately cheaper. Bonus: it builds character too.

Just look at all that character being built.

30 pounds of fruit yielded about 2.5 gallons of jam and butter, plus some reserved for freezing.

Also this was not my project – I just took photos. To chronicle the homesteading and such. Liz doesn’t want to write blogs, so she can’t fight back when I talk about her here and say things like that she labeled the cans wrong. Nya nya!

As for me, I’ll save my canning for tomatoes and broth. (And the tomatoes I’ll be growing myself! I’ll even let the kid pick them for me for free.)

–Simon

Gangsta

As in, 1920s mobsters. Al Capone and The Untouchables and such. Cool gangsters. Not, you know…Glocks and that bitch better have my money…gangsters.

Of what do I speak? Well, remember that elitist pistol I bought unnecessarily for elitist reasons? The 1911, which I’ve name Suburbia?

Well, how better to carry a pistol I would never conceal carry but with a method by which I would never conceal carry?

The background detracts somewhat from the imposing and dashing figure of a man that I am.

I would never conceal carry a gun that, whether legally or illegally confiscated, I would fully expect to disappear from an evidence locker.

You talkin to me?

But give me a Capone goon’s salary and it might not matter. Look at that shoulder holster!

Well I’m the only one here.

Now I just need to solve some crime. Or cause some. Or somehow just be caught up in it.

And you better have my money.

–Simon

I Don’t Want to be Seen

I don’t want to see some views, but I also don’t want to always be seen.

https://ephemerality.net/i-cant-see-you-more/

In all cases of lattice work, it’s a little of both.

The specific view in question this time involves a vista of the neighbor’s driveway and the road beyond. Traffic on the road is distracting at night, but what really breaks the tranquility is the cars coming up the driveway. The approach, before turning to their garage, directly points to our deck and the sliding glass door to our living room. At night, headlights from approaching vehicles illuminate the whole area. It is, somewhat annoying. Recurring readers of this blog might have noticed I dislike the runaway trend of increasing lightbulb strength.

It would probably be unreasonable to ask the neighbors to turn off their headlights, so, it was back to an old trick: a trellis.

A view of what lays beyond

Using some prior lessons, the work went much faster this time.

I also had some additional manual labor this time

A few 2x4s, 1x2s, 1x8s, 1/2″ bolts, and several hundred deck screws; I had successfully created a polite screening, and prime real-estate for climbing plants.

I’m told if I do this to the entire perimeter, I can get a greyhound.

Also, look at this fancy seamless joint on the corner.

–Simon

P.S. I still managed to refrain from putting tools in trucks.

Aquarium Evolution

I realized that I haven’t taken a photo of my aquarium since it was restarted, so I will do so now. For reference, here’s what it looked like in 2018:

I have since upgraded the lighting and added a CO2 system, which allows for better plant variety. I also ripped most of these out, because the tank was completely overgrown. This is what it looks like now:

Amano competition here I come!

–Simon

John Cheever

I do read, despite my mother’s oft-mentioned false memories which indicate a contrarian stance.  I am, however, bad at committing to novels, for which this blog’s section is dedicated.  So while I might not be consistent with chronicling verbose prose, I spend a good deal of time learning to fix things around the house, or…studying contemporary male psychology and the implications of its general neglect.  I could easily explain why mass shootings occur in America, and it has little to do with gun control.  But where’s the fun in an Occam’s Razor thesis?

I jest, naturally, at my own parent, whose escapist romance-themed decade-long reading preference created a self-deluded elevation of the genera to great literary status.  In the artistic form, I might enjoy a photo of a beautiful naked woman, and while I might tell myself that it’s an appreciation for the perfection of human evolution and an esthetic experience, no one’s going to buy that explanation when they find my adult media stash.

Or they wouldn’t, anyway, when I was young enough to have one.  Such is age.

But back to the subject at hand: I read a novel!  Or rather, a collection of short stories: The Stories of John Cheever.  I chose this work as I’m attracted to Americana, so “Great American Novelists” pull me in.  Specifically, I wanted to read his short story, The Swimmer.  Now, as a product of the American school system, I’ve read The Jungle and Heart of Darkness, but 5 or so short stories into this collection and I was ready to kill myself.  Good lord was this guy negative.  Here are the core themes of everything he’s ever wrote:

  1. Capitalism is exploitative (cue Upton Sinclair here).
  2. Nothing you ever do will get you ahead in life.
  3. Being rich disconnects you from the rest of the world around you.
  4. Class divisions will always undermine an attempt to understand one another.
  5. Self-delusion is a powerful coping mechanism (see above).

When I did finally reach The Swimmer, it proved to be a decent story in its own right, but by that point the above themes were so hammered into me that I set the book aside. The story itself is about a once-wealthy socialite who takes a literal and metaphorical journey through his past and back to a home that will never exist again how he remembers it because of his own actions. Sort of a “you can’t go home again” thing going on, but it’s all the protagonist’s fault. And self-delusion. And with a heavy dose of how badly people speak about each other behind their backs. And wealthy people are terrible.

So, not light-hearted by any means. But it’s telling of the time period – the dying social divisions of the Guilded Age, and the lack of unity in the country following The Great Depression. It’s definitely Americana, but with none of the warm fuzzy postwar bit.

(Also no nighttime lovemaking to the backdrop of a rainstorm, lightening flashes briefly illuminating masculine bulges and such.)

–Simon