Not when the integrity of my garden is at stake.
For weeks I’ve been watching this bastard groundhog mosey out of his cozy borough beneath my deck and take his thrice-daily constitutional into my garden and eat that which I’ve sowed.
Not noticeably an herbacious connoisseur, he ate everything from sunflowers to tomato plants. Every animal it seems must at some point sample a tomato plant, a plant that can’t taste very good. But they try it anyway and cause damage to my most prized vegetable, just to taunt me I think.
Unfortunately for them, while I might be a typical Disney-reared suburbanite, I’m also an experienced hunter with a mere respect and appreciation for wildlife. I don’t worship them as a FernGully fairy. It was time for lethal intervention. (And the fairies were more concerned about the trees anyway.)
Unfortunately, the statutes of my dear city of residence state:
672.09 DISCHARGING FIREARMS.
(a) No person shall discharge any cannon, pistol or other firearm, of any kind whatsoever, or any air rifle, pellet gun, gas gun, BB gun or other similar object within the City. This section shall not prohibit the firing of a military salute or the firing of weapons by men of the nation’s Armed Forces acting under military authority and shall not apply to law enforcement officers in the proper enforcement of the law; or to any person in the proper exercise of the right of defense; or to any person who has applied for and received special permission from the Manager to fire a cannon, pistol or other firearm, or air rifle, pellet gun, gas gun, BB gun or other similar object within the City.
(Ord. 50-71. Passed 7-12-71; Ord. 03-16. Passed 3-21-16; Ord. 04-16. Passed 4-18-16; Ord. 24-19. Passed 12-2-19; Ord. 23-20. Passed 11-2-20.)
(b) Whoever violates this section is guilty of a misdemeanor of the fourth degree.
(Ord. 59-74. Passed 7-15-74.)
https://codelibrary.amlegal.com/codes/centerville/latest/centerville_oh/0-0-0-9843
I wouldn’t want to be guilty of a misdemeanor of the fourth degree! The punishments are actually fairly draconian:
Fourth-degree misdemeanors carry a maximum sentence of 30 days’ jail time and a $250 fine.
https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/ohio-misdemeanor-crimes-class-and-sentences.htm
I’d probably just have to do some community service, but still. Geez.
So I totally didn’t try to shoot it with a pellet gun.
I’m sad to see this also applies to bows. I can’t shoot a bow in my backyard. People are prudes.
Anyway, so after my non-existent attempts to shoot the groundhog failed to prove lethal, I resorted to trapping.
Of course, untargeted trapping can have undesirable results. But the possum was freed to continue raiding my compost.
Eventually, persistence and modified approaches yielded the desired results.
So endeth the groundhog saga. Freed from his mortal coil by means which totally didn’t involve a pellet gun, to raid the gardens of wherever dead rodents go in death.
Bastard.
–Simon