hunting – Ephemerality

July 5, 2024July 3, 2024

Havahart? Not likely.

Not when the integrity of my garden is at stake.

For weeks I’ve been watching this bastard groundhog mosey out of his cozy borough beneath my deck and take his thrice-daily constitutional into my garden and eat that which I’ve sowed.

Not noticeably an herbacious connoisseur, he ate everything from sunflowers to tomato plants. Every animal it seems must at some point sample a tomato plant, a plant that can’t taste very good. But they try it anyway and cause damage to my most prized vegetable, just to taunt me I think.

Unfortunately for them, while I might be a typical Disney-reared suburbanite, I’m also an experienced hunter with a mere respect and appreciation for wildlife. I don’t worship them as a FernGully fairy. It was time for lethal intervention. (And the fairies were more concerned about the trees anyway.)

Unfortunately, the statutes of my dear city of residence state:

672.09   DISCHARGING FIREARMS.

   (a)   No person shall discharge any cannon, pistol or other firearm, of any kind whatsoever, or any air rifle, pellet gun, gas gun, BB gun or other similar object within the City. This section shall not prohibit the firing of a military salute or the firing of weapons by men of the nation’s Armed Forces acting under military authority and shall not apply to law enforcement officers in the proper enforcement of the law; or to any person in the proper exercise of the right of defense; or to any person who has applied for and received special permission from the Manager to fire a cannon, pistol or other firearm, or air rifle, pellet gun, gas gun, BB gun or other similar object within the City.

(Ord. 50-71. Passed 7-12-71; Ord. 03-16. Passed 3-21-16; Ord. 04-16. Passed 4-18-16; Ord. 24-19. Passed 12-2-19; Ord. 23-20. Passed 11-2-20.)

   (b)   Whoever violates this section is guilty of a misdemeanor of the fourth degree.

(Ord. 59-74. Passed 7-15-74.)
https://codelibrary.amlegal.com/codes/centerville/latest/centerville_oh/0-0-0-9843

I wouldn’t want to be guilty of a misdemeanor of the fourth degree! The punishments are actually fairly draconian:

Fourth-degree misdemeanors carry a maximum sentence of 30 days’ jail time and a $250 fine.
https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/ohio-misdemeanor-crimes-class-and-sentences.htm

I’d probably just have to do some community service, but still. Geez.

So I totally didn’t try to shoot it with a pellet gun.

I’m sad to see this also applies to bows. I can’t shoot a bow in my backyard. People are prudes.

Anyway, so after my non-existent attempts to shoot the groundhog failed to prove lethal, I resorted to trapping.

Awww, what a cute little nocturnal omnivorous scavenger. Not my quarry.

Of course, untargeted trapping can have undesirable results. But the possum was freed to continue raiding my compost.

Eventually, persistence and modified approaches yielded the desired results.

So endeth the groundhog saga. Freed from his mortal coil by means which totally didn’t involve a pellet gun, to raid the gardens of wherever dead rodents go in death.

Bastard.

–Simon

December 9, 2023December 5, 2023

Thanksgiving Squirrel 2023

Liz succumbed to maternal guilt and we spent Thanksgiving at her folks’. I won’t call out my irritations with specific individuals on a public blog (Thanksgiving – right?), but I will point out my seasonal #4 kill when I snuck out to escape. Huzzah!

Another red squirrel. Not much to eat but they sure are easy to clean.

In related news, I fell back to Big Iron’s original bead sight. When I got the shotgun, I was excited and went a little silly on some modifications, most of which turned out okay. But the choke needed to stay at full mod, and the rifle sights proved to take too long for target acquisition. So, tired of missed shots and slow aiming, I resorted back to what worked for me for 20 years. And shortly thereafter, I landed a perfect instant-kill shot on this little guy’s head and upper torso. I’m once again a killing machine.

And I didn’t kill any in-laws.

–Simon

November 18, 2023November 14, 2023

Squirrel Hunting, Kid Edition

I’ve often joked that hunting is a hobby with a tough selling point to those who weren’t exposed to it in their youth. The pitch starts to sound a little psychotic not far in, for how would one try to convince an associate to join them in uncomfortable environmental conditions with the end goal of killing wildlife? But I’ve also argued that a lack of violent release is part of the problem behind mass shootings. Human physiology hasn’t changed much since the time that we needed to be ruthless for survival, and it won’t just go away simply because we don’t need it. Were that the case, I would have disabled my libido in high school, too. But we can’t so we need to cope.

And it’s also important that anyone who eats meat understands its source and the cost in terms of animal suffering. Life’s a bitch and nature doesn’t favor us any more than the rest of Earth’s creatures. But we should feel a little guilty.

Guilt and violence. Ailments of the human condition.

So I took the kid hunting for these lessons. To my surprise, she didn’t have too big a problem with it. She isn’t old enough herself to kill, so that’s part of it, but she also wasn’t under any delusions and was genuinely curious about the process. Go figure. Dad was right (as in, me-the dad).

The unusual hunting party now consisted of Joe, my dad, and the Kid.

Joe and the kid trying to flush out rabbits without success

Alas I was the only killer that day.

I can’t find the exact quote, but my overwhelming success reminded me of A River Runs Through It, when the dad compliments his sons’ fish catches and mentions that God had truly blessed them…before laying down his own much bigger fish and commenting that God blesses some more than others.

I win.

Pan-seared. Still the best way I’ve found to cook squirrel.

And the kid wants to go hunting again. Double win.

–Simon

October 13, 2023October 12, 2023

Klenke Squirrel

As is tradition, each squirrel hunt must be documented. And it is of special note that this year’s first squirrel was from the Klenke estate, and the first such squirrel I’ve ever shot there.

It was also a chance opportunity. Harvested with the double 20 that dad gave to Liz, that we took out for her to try. It was also the gun I first hunted with. Ah memories. And a fine heirloom.

–Simon