Chickens Don’t Live in the Woods

How many times have we been told that human attention spans are getting shorter and they’re even shorter than that of a goldfish’s? I don’t know how that was calculated, but I’m guessing it’s one of those silly bits of “knowledge” that gets passed around, yet no one verifies. Like old glass being amorphous in nature, which is why farmhouses have ripply windows.

Maybe it’s getting harder to focus on a singular task, collectively. But where’s the reference point? I remain skeptical, but for the sake of entertaining the theory, I’ll give a potential example: hunting. Memories of my youth recall excitement with lots of game and running through brush after rabbits with my dad. Last time we went together, however, it ended with him picking mushrooms and me sifting through the fields identifying wild carrots. So maybe it’s true. Or maybe there just isn’t as much wild game anymore.

Whatever the case, a day in the woods now capitalizes on all nature has to offer. It is no longer an adventure with a singular objective. And as such, my father is now a mushroom forager.

There’s one in particular he seeks out: Chicken of the woods. Because, in his words, they’re edible and highly unlikely to be mistaken for any other type of mushroom (i.e. unlikely to be confused with a mushroom that causes catastrophic renal failure). Plus, there’s the coolness factor.

And his last excursion was very successful, so he brought some down. They’ve been in the freezer long enough for me to forget about them, but a recent freezer cleanout revealed the forgotten bounty. It was time to give them a try.

In their raw form, tossed into a saucier to dehydrate.
And a mild cheese bechemel.
And noodles.

And I must agree: it does resemble chicken meat, especially in texture. Flavor was mild, not so much like good chicken, but more like Tyson-brand cheap chicken. Worth the grab for a distracted mind when no squirrels are out. It might not be meat, but it’s still a good find. Thanks Dad!

–Simon

Look at My Hard-y Banana

Musa basjoo, to be specific.

These things are cool, and they’ve been appearing with more frequency in the area. Maybe some sneaky horticulturists are embarking on a suburban gardening campaign to introduce more exotic species, or maybe climate change is simply expanding the range of some previously incompatible species to the USDA zone. Whatever the reasoning, I decided to give this guy a go last year.

Supposedly they can survive as perennials down to zone 5, so here in zone 6a/b it would normally be a tad too chilly. But, I used strategery in my micro-climate. I planted it in the hottest part of the yard: against the concrete driveway and asphalt road, above the heated oil pipeline. The ground never freezes very deep there. It was an experiment I kept from my sister, knowing that she’d tell me I was gardening wrong and it wouldn’t survive.

But lo! Here it is on year two! And with the constant rain, it’s very happy with the temporal climate facsimile of its native habitat.

Supposedly they bloom, but I don’t know if the season is long enough here. Still, it’s cool.

–Simon

Refrigerator Pickles: AKA, We Can Pickle That!

What do second stage ethanol fermentation and metabolic detoxification have in common?

Vinegar! Acetic acid. Good for excreting into the toilet and preserving produce. Except probably don’t use urine for the produce part. Too many other things in that for a good pickling medium.

Fortunately, it’s easier to just buy vinegar than to rely on the above in-home methods of production. And much easier than attempting the lactic acid route (though I’ll totally try that one day). But for now, it’s refrigerator pickles, sans-Orléan method. Standard grocery store vinegar for this one. Here’s the recipe I used:

  • 1 cup water
  • 1 1/3 cup white vinegar
  • 1/3 cup granulated sugar
  • 2 Tbsp. kosher salt

Seems a tad sweet, but I’ll give it a week to settle and adjust accordingly.

We have cucumbers (there’s an abundance from the garden right now and the kid wanted to make some after learning about it at summer camp), serrano peppers, and red onions. So far, the red onions are pretty good. One of the most ridiculously up-charged items to buy, by the way. More street tacos in the future!

We can, indeed pickle that.

–Simon

Milkweeds and Monarchs

Despite my sister’s and hairstylist’s grumblings at my continued use of synthetic fertilizers and inorganic pesticides (hey, I still live in the suburbs, all right?), it is possible to strike a balance with desirable native species. And after several failed attempts to germinate milkweed seeds, I instead bought a plant, which then proceeded to spread by seeding itself throughout my hosta patch. Life finds a way, right?

And with it came the monarch butterflies. Always happy to see them.

After stripping this particular plant of leaves, it disappeared. Try as I might, I can never find their chrysalises…chrysali? Whatever.

So I’m doing my part, okay!? More pollinators!

–Simon