Mycological Machinations

First, look at this:

Looks tasty huh?

Okay, now look at these:

It stands to reason that the scavenging omnivores we are must have at some point tried eating what was growing on the dead thing in addition to the dead thing itself. Anyway – mushrooms! A gift from my sister. Biologists, right?

Fun to watch grow though.

And with a cheesy bechamel…

Not too bad to eat.

–Simon

Salisbury Steak

Sometimes I don’t want to write about my cooking. Sometimes I just want to post a pic, because some dishes don’t need yet another blogger’s recipe. Therefore, I introduce to new blog category: Food Porn.

Today’s entry: Salisbury Steak

With cheesy mashed potatoes

–Simon

Best of Both Burger Worlds

571 words, 3 minutes read time.

(Did you notice I added word count and read time? I always thought this was silly myself when I come across it, because if I actually clicked on the article, it’s probably going to interest me enough that the world count disclosure wouldn’t dissuade me. But, ADHD as we are, I’ll start providing the courtesy.)

To char-grill, or smash burger? Ah, such is Man’s burden – to be forced to decide between coal-fired crisp or succulent smooshed sear. The former produces thick patties encrusted with Malliard’s magic, but can all too often result in dry burgers that don’t retain cohesion upon flipping. The latter produces crisp edges and juicy interiors, but lacks the char crust and retains too much grease for comfortable digestion. So we must choose a preference, and I don’t like those restrictions!

What if there were a way to have your burger and eat it too?

Introducing: Simon’s Patenty Patented Patty Prep!

Step 1, line a grilling cage with aluminum foil. I prefer grilling foil to those sissy skimpflated hair-dying foil sheets they pass off at the grocery now. No really, I had budget foil melt on the grill before. Don’t use it.

In this instance, I’ll layered patties. It’s an alternative that avoids over-working the meat when mixing. But don’t add cheese here. It just melts and runs out.

Step 2, spray the foil in oil and arrange your patties. Leave sufficient room between them to allow for smashing. Season.

Step 3, close the cage around the foil and patties, and lock.

There will be some runoff, but that’s unavoidable. I’ve countered this by adding melted butter and extra moisture in the form of Worcestershire to the grinds. It’s okay, because unlike grilling on the bare grate, the flareups won’t burn the meat.

Step 4, perforate the foil on both sides. This will allow the excess grease to drip out and the smoke to add seasoning.

I used a skewer in this case, but bigger holes can be made depending on preference.

Step 4, place the cage over direct heat and grill. It will take longer due to the added mass and foil shielding, but be patient and don’t worry about the flareups. They won’t burn. Use an instant-read thermometer to monitor progress. Some of this will be more instinctual since you can’t visually inspect.

I use firefighter gloves for this part. And the other perk here is flipping is a simple turn of the cage.

Step 5, flip accordingly, but don’t flip too early or you’ll miss out on browning. Pull the patties when the internal temperature is where you want it.

These particular patties were a mix of deer and beef, so I browned them less to avoid drying.

Step 6, add cheese and rest the patties while still on the foil. It will cool quick enough, but retain enough heat to gently melt the cheese.

Step 7, of course, is to stuff face hole.

And there you have it! No crumbled patties from a botched flip. No need to add binding agents to hold the patties together. Hole size can be customized to determine level of runoff and browning. The slight smash of the cage offers a compromise between char-grill and smash burgers. And the properly-oiled foil doesn’t stick to the patties how even the most clean of grill grates always tends to.

You may license my patent for $1 per patty. Happy grilling.

–Simon

Anything You Can Do, Sushi Edition

Okay, so I probably can’t make sushi as well as a professional, but compared to what’s on offer here in Dayton, I can make a damn good attempt.

The trouble with sushi here is multi-fold, and it’s hard to discern the misinformation surrounding a cultural food that isn’t my own. Here are some of the contradictory bits:

Sushi needs fresh fish

Fresh fish doesn’t have any taste

Fresh fish can give you parasites

Freezing the fish will kill the parasites

Freezing the fish destroys its subtleties

Freezing the fish enhances texture

Bluefin tuna is the best

Tuna is one of the blander fish for sushi

It’s all in the rice

If it’s all in the rice, why is sashimi so popular?

Nori adds the flavor

If nori adds the flavor, why are California rolls so popular?

California rolls still have nori

Not always

Cooked fish has more and complex flavor

Cooked fish overwhelms the subtleties of the total flavor package

Says who?

And on and on…

The real problem, I think, isn’t so much that we’re landlocked (if you don’t count access via the Mississippi/Ohio/Miami rivers), but that we’re part of the Midwest. And while Midwesterners certainly know how to fry their freshwater fish, they seem confused with the concepts of seafood. And exotic spice in general. So while the local sushi chefs could probably turn out more flavorful rolls, they don’t because there’s no demand. And they can get away with it.

So with the bar set so low, and prices set so insanely high, we had always considered making our own. And finally, we made the attempt.

First off, the rolling mat. I was not interested in hand-scrubbing a porous bamboo traditional version, so I picked up this silicon one.

Then the fish. Tuna is standard, so that was the choice for our first attempt. I froze it in my blast freezer for a day (USDA says 15 hours at -31F is the minimum requirement to kill parasites).

Followed by a proper workstation setup. The rice was cooked with 1T sugar, 2T rice vinegar, and 2T sugar, according to Alton Brown’s recipe.

And some sliced cucumber and cream cheese. The dog cookies were not included.

Some careful placement and rolling.

And voila! Okay, so it took a few attempts, but this was my best one.

The taste? Pretty close to those store packages. I think there’s some opportunity to get more flavor into the rice, and I can certainly experiment with adjusted levels of (actually good) soy sauce, instead of the dyed salt water restaurants like to give out.

In conclusion, yes we can make something comparable to Dayton-quality sushi rolls (or makizushi, specifically, before the pedants call me out). And I could probably tweak things to make it better. The real cost though is in prep and labor. The execution was a pain. We’ll probably try it again sometime, but I’m not in any rush. Bland sushi it is for the foreseeable future.

–Simon